Age Gaps and Power Dynamics

What are power dynamics and imbalances? 

When one person in a relationship has more power than the other person, this is called a power imbalance. 

Power imbalances can come in many different forms, including: 

• Age differences: if one partner is older or younger than the other 

• Financial: if one person earns more money than the other 

• Authority: if one person has more authority than the other that’s given to them through their job. The people in the relationship might work together or one of them may have a job that gives them more power over the other outside of work 

Why are power imbalances a problem? 

Not all relationships with power imbalances are a cause for concern – they can be healthy depending on the nature of the imbalance, the age of people involved and their motives and personalities. 

But sometimes they can be dangerous, and lead to abuse: 

• Some people deliberately seek out these types of relationships with the intention of controlling their partner 

• Vulnerable individuals can be taken for granted 

• The abuser may use their partners vulnerability against them 

• Love-bombing can make people stay in the relationship longer than they want to 

Why can age-gap relationships be a problem? 

Age gaps in relationships are common, though they are often more significant and noticeable when you’re younger compared to when you’re older. For example, a ten-year age gap when you’re in your 30s-40s may be less significant than a two-year age gap when you’re in your teens. 

Though age-gap relationships can be completely healthy, there are some things to think about: 

• How does the age difference impact the relationship? Does it? 

• Are you dating them because of the age difference, regardless of whether you’re older or younger? 

• Does one person seem to make all the decisions and plans? 

• Do you both have the same level of maturity? 

• Do you both have similar goals for your future together? 

• Are there any signs of control or abuse?  

Things to look out for: 

• You feel like you can’t speak freely 

• You change your behaviour and actions because of them 

• You feel like you have no control in the relationship 

• You feel uncomfortable or nervous to speak to your family and friends, or reach out for advice 

• They ask you to do things you aren’t comfortable with 

• You feel reliant on them for everything  

• You feel like you need to constantly ask permission to do anything 

If you experience anything that makes you uncomfortable, it’s important you get help. The domestic abuse laws protect anyone over the age of 16 and not just people living together. 

Why can age-gap relationships be a problem? 

Age gaps in relationships are common, though they are often more significant and noticeable when you’re younger compared to when you’re older. For example, a ten-year age gap when you’re in your 30s-40s may be less significant than a two-year age gap when you’re in your teens. 

Though age-gap relationships can be completely healthy, there are some things to think about: 

• How does the age difference impact the relationship? Does it? 

• Are you dating them because of the age difference, regardless of whether you’re older or younger? 

• Does one person seem to make all the decisions and plans? 

• Do you both have the same level of maturity? 

• Do you both have similar goals for your future together? 

• Are there any signs of control or abuse?  

Things to look out for: 

• You feel like you can’t speak freely 

• You change your behaviour and actions because of them 

• You feel like you have no control in the relationship 

• You feel uncomfortable or nervous to speak to your family and friends, or reach out for advice 

• They ask you to do things you aren’t comfortable with 

• You feel reliant on them for everything  

• You feel like you need to constantly ask permission to do anything 

If you experience anything that makes you uncomfortable, it’s important you get help. The domestic abuse laws protect anyone over the age of 16 and not just people living together. 

Support Services in Bexley 

If you're in Bexley and experiencing domestic abuse, several local and national services can provide support.

How to Get Help 

If you're in immediate danger, call 999. If you can't speak, press 55 to alert the operator. For non-emergencies, call 101. 

You can also: 

• Contact local services directly for advice and support. 

• Use online resources to find information and help. 

• Reach out to trusted friends, family, or professionals for support. 

Remember, you're not alone, and help is available. Don't hesitate to seek support.